My Two Year Sabbatical

Yes .. at 30 years old I took a two year sabbatical. I never planned it that way. Simply because I wouldn’t know where to begin explaining such a decision to my family.

My plan was to run a business from home and I did but the more I worked the more my desire to live increased. So a few months after my resignation I quit my business. That too wasn’t by choice. My creativity had become stagnant and I refuse to work under pressure especially as something as close to my heart as writing.

It took a lot of fighting with myself, wanting ideas to flow out of me. Looking back now I know it wasn’t me I was fighting. I was fighting the process itself. I kept fighting so I can be viewed as ‘responsible’ or ‘successful’.

I felt the need to prove to the world, mostly to myself, that I wasn’t lazy. I wanted tangible evidence to give to you Monday happiness readers, to my husband, to my family, to the goddess of social media instagram .. I wanted tangible evidence that I am an intelligent, strong, creative and hard working woman who can do it all..

As the universe would have it, one day my MacBook crashed. It would take a month to fix. The longest month to me at that time but the most beautiful. With no MacBook around I was re-introduced to the art of doing nothing. The best gift I have ever given myself. My schedule was simple .. wake up .. do nothing. I learned to listen, really listen to myself. I would not touch a book unless I felt an inclination to. I would not exercise unless I really wanted to. I would only eat after establishing if it’s exactly what I wanted.

Here. In this paragraph. I would like to write ‘it was a beautiful experience’. Unfortunately that wasn’t my reality. It was hard. Really hard. I had never in my experience anyone sit and do nothing by choice. Up until now I’m in awe of just how important role models are in a human life. I knew deep inside I was doing the right thing by doing nothing. All I needed was just one person, just one, who’d passed through the same experience.

Much of who I am today comes from the time I spent alone in that room with nothing but a cup of tea and on special occasions a piece of chocolate. I could write a whole book about what I learned through allowing myself to be still..

One of the things I learned (one day I’ll tell you all about the lessons) was, all my ideas belong to me. All my creativity is mine. It’s not borrowed. I know this goes against many artist’s way of keeping a recorder on the bed just in case they get an amazing idea in middle of the night lest they forget in the morning. That’s wise to some extent but it wasn’t my reality. I’m happy to forget a great idea. I’m aware it belonged to someone else that’s why it left me.

Those that never leave my being are mine. Completely and utterly.

Just one of the lessons I learned during this times that I’d pay millions for.

Yes at 30 years old ... I did the unthinkable. I volunteered to love me. No charity organization. Just me. And now I’m able to come here and offer my very self to you. I now can love you so intensely because I loved me first.

Sending you love,

Thembeka